The Shortest Doctor Who Episode Ever

Outside a small house in London. The Tardis appears. Wilfred Mott comes out of the house, just as the Doctor comes out of the Tardis.

Wilfred: Doctor? What are you doing here? Donna might see you.

This is an automatic reaction upon seeing the Tardis. As he pauses, Wilfred notices something has changed.

Wilfred: You've changed again, haven't you.

The Doctor: Hello, Wilfred. Yes, I've changed. Some unpleasantness with — well, with something unpleasant.

Wilfred:But why are you here? If Donna sees you, even in this – this – body, she'll start remembering. And then, you said …

The Doctor: Wilfred! I've found a way to cure her!

Wilfred: Are you sure?

The Doctor: Yes, but I have to take her away …

As they are talking, Donna Noble comes out of the front door.

Donna: Gramps? Who's this, then?

Donna starts to look at the Doctor.

Donna: Look, you, whatever it is you're selling, we don't …

Before Donna can get a good look at the Tardis, the Doctor pulls out his screwdriver. There is a faint whining noise, audible only to those under 50. Donna collapses.

The Doctor: Sonic sedative. Come on, help me get her into the Tardis.

The Doctor and Wilfred carry Donna into the Tardis. Wilfred exits, the Doctor shuts the door, and the Tardis vanishes with the usual noises.

The Tardis reappears in what is obviously a library. OK, it's not just a library, it's the Library. It's dark, probably damp, and the books seem to be moving slightly. Maybe it's just the arrival of the Tardis. Or maybe not. Books left open seem to be turning pages themselves. We see the Tardis from the point-of-view of the Librarian. The Doctor emerges from the Tardis, and approaches the desk.

The Doctor: Here we are then. Did you find the book?

The Librarian: Ook!

The Doctor: Good then. Here's what else I need …

As the two talk, the scene shifts back inside the Tardis, where Donna is waking up. She looks around, pulls herself up, and starts out the door. She sees the Doctor and the Librarian at the desk. She still doesn't remember anything, but that will come.

Donna: Hey!

Both turn to look at her. We shift to a point of view behind Donna.

Donna: What's this. Who are you? Why have you grabbed me and took me to this — this — place? And what's with the monkey?

With that, the Librarian explodes. All we see is a large, dark fist striking the camera. There's lots of fur. Sounds of a scuffle. Lots and lots of Ooks. Then black.

The Doctor: What a waste of a perfectly good regeneration.

The End

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Thanks to the Doctor Who Wiki and the Discworld & Terry Pratchett Wiki

How to be a Computer Expert

I really should just bookmark all of xkcd:

Steppin' On Out

Last night we got to hear the Capitol Steps over at South River High School. If you have the least bit of interest in politics, half a sense of humor, and a bit of tolerance, you want to hear these guys. You can get a good sampling of their work from the year end reviews, which, though in Real Player format, can actually be downloaded and converted to your favorite format with ffmpeg.

In other political satirist news, Mark Russell is back at the Shoreham Hotel in DC. I never went there to see him on his first go-round there, which overlapped my time in the Washington area for about 15 years. Maybe this time I'll make it.

The Vista Experience

Friend TK sent these along. Blame him, not me:

Vista True Info - For more funny videos, click here

And here's how to install Vista in two minutes or less (I can do this in about 30 seconds):

I'm Going to Bed Now. Really

One More

I may not be able to stop myself.

Motivate Yourself

Augh! I should be in bed, and instead I'm doing this:

Remember those Star Trek Inspirational Posters? Well, I was downloading a few more tonight for use as wallpaper when it hit me, “gee, Dave, there really ought to be some StarGate Inspirational Posters on the web somewhere.” And, of course, there are.

This led me directly to the Motivator: Creator site, which lets you put in your own pictures and sayings. Neat, huh?

So, in honor of last weekend's NCAA Midnight Madness, and in keeping with the theme of this blog, let me get rid of any illusions you may have about the coming season:

Plus, If He Wins, Catherine Zeta-Jones Will Be First Lady

From The Onion:

Mysterious Congressman Announces Dark Horse Candidacy

Those Meddling Brits

An odd convergence:

today's sad news

+

yesterday's link to Clive Banks' page

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Scooby-Doo and the Mystery of Stage Five

Much, much better than the movies.

Bush Declared Liberal

Americans Against Change, Government, Taxes, and Democrats (AACGTD), an umbrella organization of right-wing political groups, today designated President George W. Bush as a Liberal.

The designation had been long expected, giving growing conservative distrust of growing deficits, the increase in spending promised for Katrina and Rita hurricane relief, and Laura Bush's reference to herself as a "Desperate Housewife."

The final straw was the appointment of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, especially after the appointment of John Roberts as Chief Justice.

"The President completed ignored our directive –– uh, make that wish –– for the appointment of conservative judicial scholars who won't interfere with Congressional decisions unless we tell them to. For all we know, this woman could be another Souter. Or, God forbid, a Warren. You know, we can't just have Republican Presidents nominating Justices without our approval. Bad things happen," said an AACGTD spokesman.

Columnist George Will, who has been expressing doubts about Presidential policies for some time, said in a statement, "while I regret the necessity of this step, I am gratified that the AACGTD has taken this designation, as it gives me something to write about now that the Cubs and Red Sox are both deader than Ted Kennedy's Presidential aspirations."

Radio commentator Rush Limbaugh said, "The Bush Administration is the best thing that has happened to this country in history –– wait, I mean, he's as bad as Clinton, and I bet we'll find a blue dress hanging around somewhere, if you know what I mean."

Under the rules governing AACGTD's Liberal designation, the President is now required to invite Al Sharpton to the White House, hold a fund raiser for Ralph Nader, read books, note that reasonable people might disagree with his policies, and generally behave like a wimp.

Conservative columnists and commentators are now required to oppose White House policies in general. In particular, White House spokesman Scott McClellan is to be referred to as a "Liberal Running Dog." For the specific cases where the President's policies match those on AACGTD's approved list, the White House position is to be referred to as "hypocritical."

Members of the Democratic National Committee answered phone calls, but responses to questions could not be heard over what was apparently loud laughter in the background.

This is not the AACGTD's first designation of a Republican as a Liberal. Previously, the organization as listed David Souter, Arlen Specter, John McCain, Sandra Day O'Connor, George H. W. Bush, Barry Goldwater, and Newt Gingrich as Liberals.

I've Been Waiting All of My (Internet) Life for This

I first saw the trailer for Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning many years ago. It's a parody (in Finnish, with subtitles) of Star Trek with a healthy dose of Babylon 5. Now, finally, the movie is completed and available for download. Or you can buy it, if you live outside of the United States. Downloading via BitTorrent went very quickly, it took less than 30 minutes to get the whole file. It's a 1 hour 43 minute movie, and it comes in at 541 MB, so it will fit on a CD. If you know how, you can also copy it to DVD and play it on your television.

The instructions say that you need a XviD Codec to play on a Mac or a PC. However, under Linux it plays using my installed versions and codecs for mplayer, Totem, and VLC movie players. Oddly, it didn't play under Xine, but that's probably just my Fedora setup not having the proper codecs. I like the way Totem plays the movie best, though I like mplayer better for playing DVDs from disk. I've yet to try it on a Windows machine, but if I do I'll let you know how it plays.

Anyway, it's a fun movie. I can't totally recommend it, yet, because I haven't watched all of it (baseball and football both today, people). But it's, uh, free, so you don't lose anything but time by trying it out.

And, it's distributed under a Creative Commons License, which allows you to distribute it freely so long as you give it proper attribution and you don't alter it.

New Element Discovered

APS News reports the discovery of a new element, one that has strange properties never before seen by physicists. The discovery itself sounds quite exciting. Perhaps someone could make a movie about it, or even a series.