Monday, May 03, 2010

The Shortest Doctor Who Episode Ever

Outside a small house in London. The Tardis appears. Wilfred Mott comes out of the house, just as the Doctor comes out of the Tardis.

Wilfred: Doctor? What are you doing here? Donna might see you.

This is an automatic reaction upon seeing the Tardis. As he pauses, Wilfred notices something has changed.

Wilfred: You've changed again, haven't you.

The Doctor: Hello, Wilfred. Yes, I've changed. Some unpleasantness with — well, with something unpleasant.

Wilfred:But why are you here? If Donna sees you, even in this – this – body, she'll start remembering. And then, you said …

The Doctor: Wilfred! I've found a way to cure her!

Wilfred: Are you sure?

The Doctor: Yes, but I have to take her away …

As they are talking, Donna Noble comes out of the front door.

Donna: Gramps? Who's this, then?

Donna starts to look at the Doctor.

Donna: Look, you, whatever it is you're selling, we don't …

Before Donna can get a good look at the Tardis, the Doctor pulls out his screwdriver. There is a faint whining noise, audible only to those under 50. Donna collapses.

The Doctor: Sonic sedative. Come on, help me get her into the Tardis.

The Doctor and Wilfred carry Donna into the Tardis. Wilfred exits, the Doctor shuts the door, and the Tardis vanishes with the usual noises.

The Tardis reappears in what is obviously a library. OK, it's not just a library, it's the Library. It's dark, probably damp, and the books seem to be moving slightly. Maybe it's just the arrival of the Tardis. Or maybe not. Books left open seem to be turning pages themselves. We see the Tardis from the point-of-view of the Librarian. The Doctor emerges from the Tardis, and approaches the desk.

The Doctor: Here we are then. Did you find the book?

The Librarian: Ook!

The Doctor: Good then. Here's what else I need …

As the two talk, the scene shifts back inside the Tardis, where Donna is waking up. She looks around, pulls herself up, and starts out the door. She sees the Doctor and the Librarian at the desk. She still doesn't remember anything, but that will come.

Donna: Hey!

Both turn to look at her. We shift to a point of view behind Donna.

Donna: What's this. Who are you? Why have you grabbed me and took me to this — this — place? And what's with the monkey?

With that, the Librarian explodes. All we see is a large, dark fist striking the camera. There's lots of fur. Sounds of a scuffle. Lots and lots of Ooks. Then black.

The Doctor: What a waste of a perfectly good regeneration.

The End

Thanks to the Doctor Who Wiki and the Discworld & Terry Pratchett Wiki